That wonderful time of year

Christmas… Well. Here we are again. It always sneaks up on you doesn’t it cause fuck knows it did on me! Its only December 5th and already I feel like I have been accosted by Crisco ads (time is ticking ticking, look guys there goes another daaay), and Christmas sales. I know the general trend for people on rants about Christmas to merely be “blah I hate xmas etc”. However I am not of this opinion, I can take it or leave it.

Pros:

Time and a half at work

Sun

Presents

Food

Booze

Cons:

It’s annoying as fuck and commercialised up the ass

Numerically speaking Christmas should be an amazing time of year. However math is the dim witted (a whole nothing argument). I don’t need to dive into the annoying facts too much but you know what I’m gonna anyway!

Santa:Created by Coco Cola. Great soda, annoying ad campaigns. I can see why Christians are angry that the jolly fat guy is taking Jesus’ glory away. Jesus got an ass kicking for our sins and all the fat man does is pull overtime one night a year. This is assuming either is true of course

Eggnog: Ewwwww

Children: I know what you’re thinking, He’s not going after children is he, and I say welcome to the party. The last thing I need this fucking month is some snot nose (I know its cliché but they always have runny noises) screaming, fat, dirty, ugly, dumb little kid running around screaming about the latest toy he/she wants. Oh but children are so cute! How can you hate all of them? Not true. I don’t hate all of them. I judge them on a case by case basis. The problem been; the majority of children are not funny, smart or cute. The majority need a fucking spanking by their parents.

Suicide:Very high in the holiday season. People realise how alone they are and off themselves.

Bummer Sales:ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING SALES! I KNOW! OKAY! I FUCKING KNOW! ITS CHRISTMAS AND I HAVE TO BUY SHIT! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE

Those are just off the top of my head. Please feel free to contribute. Now remember boys and girls you can’t let December wear you out. It’s only the 5th. You have to pace yourself. It’s like a game you see. You can’t just come out screaming and sprinting in the first 5 minutes, you have to pace yourself. Around the 15th you are gonna hit a wall. But you have to power through! Determination, dedication, stamina. You have to take it seriously because it’s not a game. 10 points if you guess the reference Also I managed to get my hands on some pictures of the warning manual of the Nintendo Wii. Just to hype people up more for the holiday season:

Warning : Nintendo Wii needs sleep. If you wake it early it will be cranky.

Warning: Eat the cord twisle before your cat / dog does

Warning: Dont take your Wii's lucky charms