omg wtf got pwnd by in7ne7 rap

I have no idea what the fuck happened to my site. Some slack minded fuckwit somehow got their moronic keyboard slappery onto my fucking page. So I apologise to any of you who actually read it all. I have tried to decipher this strange language into viable English but even then it didnt make sense. Out of dedication I have recreated my post that got owned by this invasion of the idiotic kind (all the phones are fucked at work so there isn't really much else to do). Its updated with 100% more pictures, 80% less spelling mistakes and 14.8% more hilarity.

For educational reasons I would like to examine this bizarre language to see what we can get out of it; here is what was posted:

felt tt i cannot coz i nv ut my heart into studying bah.would my future end up in ite or poly? or maybe retain?hahass really dun noe.but i think all depends on thei 10 days ba.loads of ppl in my class have not started studying .ytd at 838 ther yh sae he plannig to go to clementi ite with caocao...hahasheard from suresh tt his brother went to rp with 26 point and he took the course bio medical..maybe i wann choose rp..hahas coz got indoor basketball court.actually wanting to go rp is easy la coz they think highly of basketball and wans to pull ppl to rp beacuse of basketball.my friend did not quite well in and r still wans him but he choose ite...hahasltr going school for training...hahas...XDtakaireee allGOOD LUK TO those taking o lvl ((:waiting for O lvl to ends quicky xDtaking o lvl ((:waiting for O lvl to ends quicky xD


If this is your first time reading it, I am sorry. I am well aware I just made the world a dumber place by prolonging this retards drivel further but I think all will benefit from been ham bashed in the face with the fact that the world is very much still full of fuckwits. Honestly, a drunk porpoise slapping around on top of the keyboard would have been able to make more coherent sense than that drivel.


Take this little gem for instance: "to go rp is easy la coz they think highly of basketball and wans to pull ppl to rp beacuse (sic) of basketball" WHAT THE FUCK !!! you are taking easy because people think highly of basket ball because you want to pull people into rp (rep, as in representing a team perhaps) because of basketball. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!?!! God I need to go rest or something this made me angry.

Through the clues provided in the utter fuckery written I was able to use my detective powers to hunt down a picture numb skulled retard that gayed up the internet a little bit more with his talk of basketball and exams.

God Damned Split-tails v1.5

edit: some of my rage has dissipated since this post but I will try to put myself into the same frame of mind for academic purposes

For centuries they have been plaguing man kind with their bitching, manipulating and moaning. Wah you left the toilet seat up. You need it down, we need it up. Your a big girl, give it a tap and if its well hinged gravity should take care of the rest. This is but one of the examples men across the world must deal with. If you look back throughout human history this has always been the same. There is evidence to show that Octavian was merely dragging Cleopatra's name through the mud for political reasons when he called her a gargantuan whore but look at the facts. She was fucking Julius Caesar and Marc Antony, who just happen to be two of the most powerful men in the world. Octavian (later known as Augustus) was not getting the pussy though, hence the slander.

If you are with a girl it is easier. Simple fact. There is allot of talk about how been in a relationship sucks because you have to deal with all the chicks problems all the time, WRONG! You get sex on tap, she will make you food and run around for you (if your not whipped, but people who are whipped should be fucking shot anyway). When your single you get none of the above. Think about it, how many one night stands have you had dinner and breakfast made for you, not have to worry about the fucking clap and not had to deal with morning awkwardness? exactly

But because of the lack of easy sex there is much more anger towards the female type. I recently got out of a long relationship so am experiencing first hand these problems. Even if you have a few girls been juggled around there is no such thing as 100%. You also open yourself up for the dreaded "oh u fuckd dat bitch didnt ya". When you are telling your mate about your recent nights conquests and he calls bullshit normally it is laughed off with a "your just jealous" type of come back. But reverse the situation. Your mate is telling you, you slept with someone you didnt, oh the fury. Especially if she is someone who is going to degrade your spotless reputation (tui: yea right). Fist are clenched, blood starts to pump, tempers reach a violent level, then the words that are spoken in one variant or another before the fists are let loose
"GOD DAMN IT I DIDNT FUCK THAT BITCH!! I'LL KILL YOU!!"

I tested this last week and a well minded tipsy individual was almost pushed to the point of violence. Haha priceless.

Just remember guys:






No matter how hot she is, some other guy is sick of her shit.

All's quiet on the Western front

I got kicked out of a bar because of the fool pictured fell asleep on the table.

Also after last week's epic drink off, the recent prospect of an impending training camp with 39 fitness freaks and a very limited budget I've cut back on the drink. Not enjoying it but it unfortunately seems necessary.

Also a certain crazed Russian is out of the picture, David loves chicks with dicks, Matt has one nut, Nikki is manipulative, and my girls in Dunedin remain beautiful.

Have a drink on me you lucky bastards.

My Nemesis has a colour. That colour is Orange

Saturday night I experienced a new kind of evil. It lured me in with its bright colours, its 9% volume, its copious 3 litres and its astonishing value of $16.95. But don’t be fooled brothers and sistas! The Russian devil is truly a bringer of pain and devastation upon every unfortunate soul its siren voice cries out to.



3 litres later I'm in the infamous K'road Ball room where upon my comrade in arms (he had been drinking the devil water from his own 3 litres) promptly tried to fight his mate over a text. You know who you are. BUT DONT BE ASHAMED! Oh no for it is not your fault my child! The unspoken evil had possessed you with the same coloured hatred I was soon to experience.

Were else do you end up when slugging back jack Daniels and devil orange? The Whitehouse of course! I have heard 3rd hand stories of my apparent conquests from people who have no right to talk large. One fellow in particular ended up been whipped down the cat walk in his boxers by two strippers on his hands and knees while his "mates" cheered him on and tried to slap him on the ass. Some how me giving a desperate women $10 to dance around doesn’t seem as bad. Below is a sneaky pic of the said idiot crawling away his dignity.

More pictures would have been available but I was yelled at by a topless waitress.


I figure the moral of the story is this: Strip clubs are good as long is someone else is making a bigger fool of themselves

I don’t like maxims that encourage behaviour modification.

Tired I'am, Awwww get over it

Dunedin. I've been there a few times before and funnily enough I come out of the freezing city feeling the in the same state; hung over, broke, confused, but in a overall good mood. The city itself has nothing to it. As N word notoriously preached "Auckland is better in every which way. Take the good things about Dunedin...Auckland does it better". This caused some problems but one thing you need to know about N word is that she is a rude witch (self admittedly so). The reason I go to Dunedin is the people in it. Pity about the city.

One major problem I have with Dunedin people, however, is this gigantic romanticizing aura that surrounds them in regards to alcohol. I don't want to blow my own horn or anything but I have yet to find anyone who can match me blow for blow, beautiful binding hour after hour with out sleep (a bit of a reoccurring theme in this blog) in Dunedin. Met a few in Auckland, none in Dunedin. But give them an A for effort Auckland, they try.

Pictures lol:

Packing omg



I keep my phone on in planes. Fuck you Air New Zealand. I don’t want your fucking cookie and a cup of water. Where the hell is my bag of honey roasted peanuts and complimentary booze. Assholes



This person is responsible for my near death. She led me on a wide goose chase up a gigantic hill telling me that it was the fast way to her house. When in reality it was mount mother fucking Everest. Granted there was about $80 worth of cheap spirits pumping through our veins no excuse for leading up that creepy ass street.

The Speight’s ale house. Nice place. Expensive though. I was there on a hung over morning at bout 11am. My stomach was a little iffy and I was tired so I ordered a Red Bull and Vodka. But they serve Red Eye....



I come home hung over, tired and a little shitty that I had to nurse an air scared witch through the most turbulent plane ride ever. This captain resembled George Clooney’s character in the Perfect storm, to a smaller scale obviously:Idiot: "there is the biggest storm in recorded history between us and the main land, we can either wait out here and loose a 2g pay cheque or attempt to sail through it"Clooney: "Sounds like the obvious choice is we sail. Why ask?"I'm still alive, Clooney’s character is not....hehe

Back to the point I came home to this:


A terrible fucking mess with no food in the house. One nut strikes again. But in retaliation, you will be happy to read that cleaned out the shower drain and placed all of the hairy gunk into Matt's yoghurt. Enjoy